a balloontwister’s aliya saga

Well, Its been a good run. 2 months and a week in Detroit…. 2 days in New YOrk… and now its 2 weeks in Israel…. before my gig in New York.

Bittersweet leaving D-Town. While I had NO problems leaving my job at DTE. I met some great people and really have alot of praise for the jewish communities of Southfield and Oak Park. While it took months to get a friendly work in a prior town. It took 5 minutes in Detroit. I actually spoke at a shalosh seudos at the YOung Israel thanking the rabbi and the people for making me feel welcome.

I made a few stops friday afternoon to say some goodbyes and drop off a bat mitzvah gift and while I came into Detroit not knowing anyone, I left with several friends.

Last week was actually busy as I spent 2 evenings teaching balloon twisting to students at the Hillel building at the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor. We were supposed to head to the childrens hospital.. but that never happenned. Turns out 2 of my talmidim will be in israel over the next few months so I hope to go with them to the hospital in Israel over the next few months when they get there.

Today I was in midtown as I went to Mendy’s to meet my new boss. I pulled a Seinfeld.

I asked the waitress for the swordfish.

She did NOT get it.

“um.. I don’t see it on the menu…. I think they have salmon”.

Oy. Just forget it. My boss thought it was funny. I think.

I then went for a walk to see Korn and we walked back to Mendy’s so he could get some dinner. The waitress saw me a second time and wanted to know why I came back a second time.

“er… Im just having a soup… nosy…”

Then it was off to JFK and here I sit in the Lounge waiting to head to Israel. The challenging part will be to entertain the kids as Penina prepares for shabbos hagodol.. .We’re going away for Pessach but Penina has invited several families for the shabbos meals…

Gotta run… Final call..

J

Well, as is my custom when I hit different towns on consulting gigs… I like to sample some of the local flavor in going to sporting events on free evenings or sundays. Last week I went to a semi meaningles university of Michigan game in Ann Arbor. For those Basketball fans out there, the Wolverines had a so so season and did not qualify for the NCAA tournament. They DID however got an invite to the Not So prestigious NIT tournament and as luck would have it, it was played in Michigan.
For a 10 dollar ticket I was seated in the second row in the stands. Directly behind the TV announcers. At the half I was moved even closer to sit in the second row on the floor. How close was I?
I remarked to the person next to me how young the tumblers / cheerleaders looked and I got a cheerleader to respond ” Yes, we are”.
oops.
If you can talk in a normal voice and have a cheerleader answer you… THAT means you have a good seat. It was a pretty empty arena but it DID mark the last time Tommy Amaker coached a win as coach at the U of Michigan. He was fired a few days later.
Yesterday after a few hours of work I went to the Pistons Vs. Mavericks game and while the seats were not THAT good it was a great game. I think the finals will be the same match up.
Shabbos I was in Oak Park and was at the shabbos table with 12 other people… thats right… 10 kids.
Reminds me of the story where the person complains about the noise in his house… so the wise man tells him to bring in the farm animals… and he recognizes how quiet his house really is…
Well, If you ever think YOu’re kids are loud. I know exactly where to send you… Wow… its a good thing I brought my ear plugs and eyemask from my flight. I actually had a great time as I was made to feel right at home. I also was invited to a Lunch seuda at a Bat Mitzvah. At least I think i was.
The first time I stepped into the Young Israel at Oak Park, a fellow behind me introduced himself and we became friendly. Well, a few weeks ago he invited me to his daughter’s Bat Mitzvah. I told him if I was around that shabbos, I’d come by.
Well, I didn’t see him again nor did I have his phone number (or last name) so I never thought of showing up.
Thursday night I get a voicemail asking if I’d be in town I should call him to confirm. I called back and left a message that I was coming. I was thinking it was a huge Shabbos lunch so the entire place was invited.
After davening they announce that there is a KIDDUSH and the entire shul is invited.
So Now Im getting confused.
Was I invited to only the kiddush? I mean I barely know the guy.
Was I NOT invited to the lunch? But I already told the people I was staying over for shabbos that I wouldnt be there for lunch.
What do I do?
What would you do?
Well, I say myself down near someone I knew at the far side of the hall. I didn’t want to have a repeat of the komtza bar komtza story.
Tried to avoid eye contact with the baal simcha.
It actually was a great simcha. I also was quite impressed that a 12 year old girlwas able to layn both parshiyios AND Hachodesh.
J

What a busy day.
Alot of Mazel in Adar…..Coincidence? I think NOT.
A Mazel Tov to The Waldman / Gordon families on the birth of a girl to Rochel and Noach.
A Mazel Tov Penina’s friend yocheved Wennick on the birth of a girl
A mazel tov to Penina’s friend Elana Schwartz. I have to take SOME credit.
I told her she can’t wait for someone like me. I’m glad she listened to me.
Also I’ll be heading out of Detroit and working in NYC.
Heard of it?
City.
Jews.
Near Flatbush.
Know of any cheap apartments?
J

How could I have forgotten?

Sitting next to me on sat,. night’s flight was ….
a big celebrity.
Bigger than Lee Jones ( former NBA Referee I met on a plane in the 90’s)
Macho Man Randy savage (same plane)
I met…

The son of the guy who invented kosher Lamp.
Yes. Calm down. please. Chill.
It was so exciting. I bugged him until he told me the next invention.
Can’t tell you. I think its a secret.
I gave him an idea. TO have some kind of friction or suction at the bottom of the lamp so it doesnt move when you use it on shabbos.
I think this dude’s father is the Jewish Edison. Or the guy who came up with soaking the cholent beans to prevent….er…

gotta run..
J

Well, its finally above freezing here in DEETroit.
Still some snow on the ground but it was around 40 on sunday and I hear its going to hit 60 today.
Summer.

I made in Home for shabbos but had to split right afterwards to be in front of a class Monday at 7am.

Turns out the class never happenned so I came back early for nothing.
Oh well.
It was great being home. I was at 2 kidushim and got to see the family. It was also great to walk to shul without a coat, gloves, and scarf. While I hear its chilly in Israel today, for shabbos the weather was perfect.
Thursday night at the airport I saw my travel buddy and found out I was calling him by the wrong name, its shimmy not david.
Oops.
I also hear he almost fainted when in the middle of ma’ariv they announced there was a plane delay.
Only an hour or so…. we made up the time in the air and got to Israel in plenty of time.
The plane wasnt totally packed and I had a seat next to me blocked off so I can stretch out a bit.
The problem is when I have an empty seat next to me, I get psyched up that I’ll be able to sleep… and I end up NOT sleeping that well.
Yup. Happenned again.
I couldn’t sleep. I DID make up for it on the flight back to NY.
It was on israir and I slept through the dinner and breakfast. I slept despite sitting 1 foot from the bathroom door where 200 people came and went hitting me on the head, arm, leg. Israir had 4 toilets for 200 people. It was a macy’s day parade by my seat.
Despite getting assulted every 2 minutes, I was able to sleep and got to save some $ by flying israir and not El AL. As I tell people.
If you’re going coach, El Al, Israir, same Cr%p.
You’re going to have too little leg room.
The service isn’t going to be great.
Hopefully you can get a drink and sleep through the wonderful experience.
I also enjoy the freebees.
The inflatable pillow, eyemask or slippers.
I especially enjoy the feature where your tray opens on its own. usually when the plane hits some turbulence.
I also feel on israir because they only have 2 or 3 flight attendants, its 1 step away from the lunatics running the asylum.
When the plane lands, they announce… do not get out of your seat, until the plane stops.
No One listens.
I counted around 50 people who thought…hmm… I can’t get off the plane faster.
By risking my health and getting my bag from overhead I’m not going to get through customs faster.
I just want to get up while the plane is still rolling.
I can’t figure this out.
Maybe they feel like the airline is powerless at this point.
“if I get up, you’re not going to send me back… would you?”
I think on one flight they are just going to have to stop short and have 20 people in the hospital to teach people a lesson.
A painful lesson. But a nessasary one I feel.
Well, I have a training class in 20 minutes and I’m going to get ready.
Tonight Im heading off to a NIT basketball tournament game. University of Michigan who had a horrible year and the press has been wailing on them for months.
10 dollar tickets and I get to yell at someone for a change.
J

Wow. What a weekend… the chapter has officially been written and closed. The longest weekend of my life. The ALMOST purim in Israel. The ALMOST Purim in Detroit. The ALMOST being in the Zurich airport for shabbos. The Almost being stuck at Laguardia for shabbos…
Alot of Close calls…
On the PLUS side I got to see my Son Yoni in New York and I got to spend an hour at my Nephew’s Bar Mitzvah and see my folks, brother, sister and their families….
but the BIGGEST plus was being able to have a shabbos. Let me start from the beginning…
Trying to be smart I had a flight from detroit to Toronto to Israel. This was done in the oft chance I couldn’t get to the airport in detroit. Its only a 4 hour drive from detroit to Toronto. SO far so good…
The hour flight to toronto took almost 3 as the flight was delayed due to the rough weather…
As I landed in Toronto I noticed there was a huge snow storm in Toronto and the airport almost closed down. Roads were icy and the winds were fierce.
I checked into the airport and was told the flight was an hour delayed, due to the plane coming in from Chicago was not yet at the airport. I was told not to worry and chill out at the KLM lounge (being a GOld Matmid gets me into the lounge) Unfortunately all I could break my fast on was pretzels and Tomato juice. Not exactly a danish and coffee. In the lounge I met David Shamah who is a frequent flyer as well, heading to Israel after spending a week in Toronto. As we were waiting for updates we called down to El AL in New YOrk and was assured despite the delay.. we would get to Israel 2 hours before shabbos.
Whew…
Despite the delay and the snow.. I was confident I'’d be hoem for purim.
Around 8pm, an hour after the scheduled time, we were told we would be boarding.
It was not the first time we were given bad information.
We boarded around 9pm.
We moved approx 50 feet over the next hour..as we went to get de-iced.
Then we sat… for another hour… until the next de-icing.
Every few minutes we’d hear the pilot sayign how we’d take off in a few minutes, the engines roar, then the announcement “The wind is too strong to take off”…..
This happenned over the next hour or so.
At around 11pm we were told we have an option:
Get off the plane, without your luggage or
when the plan lands in Europe, you can get off and then after shabbos get back on the plane to go to israel.
Now, I now some people in ENgland but no one in france, switzerland, etc.
Doing the math in my head I determined that if the plane left asap it would get to england with 2 hours to spare for shabbos. SO I stayed on the plane until they announced that they could no longer guarantee that they would make it to Europe for shabbos.
I’m out!
I got off the plane as did David Shamah. The other frum people reasoned that they would make it to England and be ok. They were not.
We found out later that England was not the stop. It was Zurich. And they landed after shabbos. More about that later.
After getting off the plane we were escorted back to El Al offices and they gave us a voucher to stay at the hotel downtown. They also told us there was room on flights to either NY or Detroit. Turns out there was plenty of room because the planes were NOT flying. THe storm practically grounded all flights. As we walked to get a rental car so we could at least drive, the place looked like a bomb shelter. Sleeping people all over the place.
We walked over and aroudn them and made out way to Hertz car rental.
At this time we thought we would drive to Detroit and either stay there for shabbos or fly to NY as the detroit flights were still scheduled. We found out way to hertz… but they were closed until 6am…
Well, at 4am in toronto you dont have alot places to go touring, so we plopped down on some chairs and took a nap at the sheraton, where approx 50 people were also there …laying on the floor, chairs….etc.
We were woken up by hotel staff an hour later as we were sleeping on chairs meant for the restaurant. So we got in a 40 minute nap..Just enough time to drive 4 hours through the slush and ice.
We got a car from Hertz and hit the road.
Thelman and Louise style….without the kerchiefs and lipstick.
From the road we called Northwest in Detroit and got ourselves flights to NY on the 12pm flight. We would have just enough time to drive the 4 hours and get to the airport… whew…so, no ISrael but at least NY.
After 3 hours and after a quick stop for gas and coffee. (the Fuel, not the other gas stop) I got a call from Northwest that the noon flight was cancelled and we were scheduled for the 1:45 flight.
Oy.
If it takes off on time, we would have a few hours to get to our respective places for shabbos. Me in Staten Island. David in Fancy Flatbush.
Er…david…. slow down… theres…a….

WWWHHHHIIRRRRRRRRR…………
Cop car flashing…. pull over…
20 minutes and over3oo dollars canadian lighter we were back on the road….
Weird thing was we were 100 feet from the US boarder..
We did NOT pull a thelma and louise and drive through (or over a cliff).
Well, we had a few hours to kill so we stopped at my hotel suite in Troy, MI to shower and get my suit on. I figured if I get to NY late, at least I’d be ready for shabbos.
I guess it was not meant to be.
The flight was delayed… 1:45 to 2:15..

I’m thinking.. ok , I still have time to make it to Staten Island…
when they announced a Weather Hold due to the weather in NY …
I walked off the plane.
My second walk off in 12 hours.
Knowing NY traffic it was going to be impossible to make it from laguardia to Staten island in an hour. Without traffic its an hour….. so….Detroit it was.
Thankfully, I have met some great people here and after a call, I had an invite for each meal.
I also had a shabbos meal at a shochet’s house. Let me tell you, if you want to curb your appetite, talk to a shochet. just hearing about how they keep and raise veal…. will do wonders for you.
“…and then they tear the stomach..and..”
Um, I’m not that hungry….
SO NO Israel and no NY. A normal person would just take a hint…
Not us.
After shabbos I barely made it to the airport on time for my 9:30 flight to NY..
Let me rephrase that.
Deapite being at the airport 2 times in the part 2 days, I still got lost and I DID get to the airport too late. It was the first class ticket that I bought that got my on. my friday flight had no coach seats left, so I bought a first class ticket out of desperation.
Not cheap.
For a bigger seat and a few fruits the price was comperable to my Israel ticket. but it was too late… I already invested sleep, time, ….I was now on a mission to get to NY for Purim… to see Yoni and go to the bar mitzvah…

My friend was going to fly to NY and take the flight to israel midnight, as he is from Jerusalem, so he had until sunday night..
Yup… you guessed it.
another delay.
I could feel him cringe when they announced the flight was going to be delayed. Instead of getting to NY at 11…
it took OFF at 11. We got at LGA after midnight and had to rent a car to get to Brooklyn.
At 1:30 I layned for him at my parents house and I finally got to bed at 2:30.
Tired. But happy I could have purim with my son and folks.
We actually made a day of it as we got to see my brothers in law and sisters in law and their kids. We also got to see the other cousins at the bar mitzvah later.
So while I couldnt be with my Israeli family , I got to see my american family and had a joyous purim after all.
At 8pm I was back on the plane heading back to Detroit. SO I got to be in NY for 15 hours, just enough to have a nice (albeit dry) purim. At least my luggage got to israel, Costumes, food, shalach manos supplies, mazonos rolls…. We actually had to get someone to pull the strings to have them release the luggage.. they were going to send them back to Toronto.
Hopefully, THIS shabbos I’ll be able to head back.
Well, its been a wild ride…. thankfully the kids and Penina were able to have a good purim and my costume got some usage.
Thanks doovid.

Im out.
J